1.5M ratings
277k ratings

See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
yourplayersaidwhat

Vicious mockery combo

yourplayersaidwhat

*context* we’re playing a campaign where the servants of a long ruined manor were turned into immortal, sentient, metal skeletons, and we’ve been sent to find the forge master to forge new bodies for them. There is also some sort of evil fungus that can control these skeletons if it grows on them. We found the forge master (a ten foot tall dwarven skeleton) covered in this fungus, ready to kill us, but realized his metal bones heat up when he gets angry

Bard(OOC): WAIT, VICIOUS MOCKERY! *rolls a nat 20* (in character) “you crafted these skeletons? Out of what, sand?”

DM: roll again

Bard:*mod 20* and your stonework here was shoddy as well!

DM to our dwarven character: you do this one, it’ll hurt more from another dwarf

Dwarf(in a heavy Scottish accent): “ye call this smithin?*gestures to destroyed enemy skeletons* me mum could Smith better than this…AN’ SHE’S DEAD”

The forge masters bones got so hot with rage he burned away the fungus and became non-hostile

grey-gravy
date-a-jew-suggestions

If you would report an undocumented immigrant to ICE you would have reported me to the Nazis and I don’t fucking trust you

prismatic-bell

A note:


I live in a state where you “have to” report anyone you suspect of being undocumented (that wonderful hellhole of Arizona). Now in practice this law has fallen far short, thank goodness. But if you live in such a place and they start enforcing it, here is how you get around it:


Assume everyone who doesn’t speak English is visiting.


Never ask about their job, because if they tell you they work here then you know they’re not visiting. You see them a lot for several weeks or months? Hm. Someone in the family must be ill. That’s terribly tough. They always dress in old, ratty laborers’ clothes? I feel you, my dude, I can’t afford new clothes either, and my dad has the fashion sense of an aardvark, so sometimes it’s not even about “affording” them. They say they’ve been here for years? You must have misunderstood. Spanish isn’t your first language, after all. First and last name? It never came up, or you don’t recall–you meet a lot of people.


And then, if you’re asked: no, you haven’t seen anyone residing illegally in the United States. Just people visiting.

date-a-jew-suggestions

Very good very important addition

Source: date-a-jew-suggestions
the7thshepard

ANONYMOUS PDA MEME

bogfriends

💖: i have a romantic crush on you!

💜: i want to make sure you’re happy

💙: i have a friend crush on you!

💚: im a little jealous of you

💛: i just think you’re cute!

💘: i wouldnt say no to a platonic marriage

👀: im too shy to talk to you

💗: i want to give you a hug!

💋: i want to kiss you!

💪: id fight someone if they talked shit about you

🔊: im really glad i started following you!

💬: we should talk more!

💭: i think about you a lot

👏: everything you say is great wtf…

🎧: you have excellent music taste!

👑: your blog aesthetic is lovely!

🚨: you intimidate me

javiouslygay

Cuuute

Source: bogfriends
avoid-all-responsibilities

Things you can say in response to literally anything, when you have nothing else to say:

arcaneloquence

  • As the prophecy foretold.
  • But at what cost?
  • So let it be written; so let it be done.
  • So…it has come to this.
  • That’s just what he/she/they would’ve said.
  • Is this why fate brought us together?
  • And thus, I die.
  • …just like in my dream…
  • Be that as it may, still may it be as it may be.
  • There is no escape from destiny.
  • Wise words by wise men write wise deeds in wise pen.
  • In this economy?
  • …and then the wolves came.
fruityrumpusassholefactorykarkat

I’ve reblogged it before and I’ll reblog it again

Source: arcaneloquence
Top Photos